Old Age Poems

The Very Young and the Very Old
The very young and the very old
They  are often similar if the facts are told
Both need bibs and pureed food
Are often cranky and in a bad mood
They are toothless and have very thin hair
They both need love and special care
Both wear disposable depends
Greet familiar faces with a friendly grin

Batteries
Much of my daily living is assisted by batteries
They often die unexpectedly
They must be the right size and replaced exactly right
I use a talking clock at night
Take my blood sugar every day
Use my magnified light to see what the numbers say
Use my keyboard to write this poem
As I do all of them
Reach for my tape player for relaxation
Have a flash light for my protection
I am always in need of a battery or two or three or four
With out them life would be a bore

P.S. How could I forget the remote to my new TV
Could my age be effecting me???

Blushing
Blushing is an old fashioned word
Seldom seen and seldom heard
We have all been shock proofed by television
Nothing is left to our imagination
Blush is a word that describes makeup color
Rouge, eye shadow and face powder
Among my peers there is very little show of embarrassment
Each of us has our own ailment
Rosy cheeks sometimes called flushing is usually caused by a common affliction Doctors call it hyper tension

Symphony
I always wanted to direct a symphony
That is a little late for me
I would have to start at a much earlier age
To take that place upon the stage
The nearest I can come right now
I adjust the volume on my radio

Sunglasses
The was sun was still very bright
At eight o'clock last night
I was still wearing sunglasses
It was a long time until the sun elapses

Travel
You know you are old when you lose all your marvels
Travel abroad is a good example
Packing all those medical supplies
Therein is where the trouble arises
We want to stay close to our family and friends and family doctor
In case of a fall and fracture

Those Good Old Days
Those good old days
May just be an idle phrase
We may remember the good and forget the bad
All the problems we may have had
When I bow my head I make a vow
The best time to live is right now

Bouquets
I got several Flower Shop Bouquets
On my 90th birthday
Where have all the cut flowers gone so soon
Directions came among the blooms
When I found them alas it was too late
They had already met their fate
Now I still have the friendly cards, pretty baskets and fancy bows
My memories of that will never never go

Mystery
Don't worry much about being old
Cant control what the future may hold
Really would like to know
What to do for the common cold

Brunette
I am what you might call a suicide brunette
Not quite ready for silver yet
I took my stand
Got addicted to the bottle
And dyed by my own hand

It All Depends
I am about as sharp as a tack
When I am laying on my back
I guess you could say horizontally I am sound
It is when I get on my feet I have found
When I am perpendicular
That is when I don't always remember

Live and Learn
I know nothing about macro economics
Or super delegates in politics
I know a lot about growing old and aging
I know about pills and exercising
More important than antidepressants
Is kindness and understanding for instance
Little things mean more and more
Than it ever did before

Change
There's been a change in the weather
And a change in our living quarters
Our apartment number has changed from seven to nine
I think we are going to like it just fine
Our friends will no longer have to sit on the bed
They can choose a couch or chair instead

Me and My Leaning Liver
Me and my leaning liver
Are getting along real well, I think
It does not seem to matter what I eat or drink
Since we will spend the rest of our lives together
It is nice if we cooperate

Cat Scan
A cat scan showed my liver leaning
Not really swollen as the doctor was suspecting
I know you will be happy to hear that little bit of news
A leaning liver goes with the years
Now you know the latest of our fears

Signs of the Times
Medicine bottles on the kitchen cabinet
Ointments for pain by the bed
Walkers in every corner of the dining hall
To eliminate fear of a fall
Blinking lights of an emergency van
To pick up some unlucky woman or man
My work is done when I make the bed
Three times a day I get well fed
No dishes to wash, I can write poems instead

Good Day for Me
Yesterday my cardiologist said to me
You surely are not as old  as you claim to be
Take your pills and come back in nine months
That has taken me right out of the dumps

Coughing
I was left with a cough after having the flu
A friend sent a cough drop from the other end of my pew
It stopped the cough until it was gone
Then my friend sent the whole box down the row

Valentines
Now we are done with all the fa-la-la-ing
It is time to do some serious Valentining
The school is sending over some volunteers
To help us as the day draws near
In schools nowadays the kids get a list of all the names
Everyone's number of valentines is the same
Here at Senior Living there are 32 of us
 Six are men the rest are girls
There must be a message here somewhere
If anyone should really care

Note to Santa
Tis the day after Christmas at the Woodshed
I forgot to tell you we need a new bed
Queen size would be fine
King size would be divine
Everything is now going great
Hope my wish is not too late

Christmas at Senior Living
They decked the halls with boughs of holly
In an effort to make us all feel jolly
We donned our old Christmas sweaters
Read our last year's Christmas letters
Children came and sang for us
We were asked to join the chorus
Fast away the old year fades
  We will soon be talking about Easter parades

Adron
Things have gone from bad to worse
I have new respect for every doctor and nurse
He is now one step closer to Assisted Living
Doing therapy to recover his mobility
Thanks gain for your concern
We're hoping for a swift return

Stress Report
My report was not so bad
It was not a heart attack I had
One more test we will have all the facts
I can finally relax
I seem to have my same addiction
Adron had his last injection
Thanks for all the encouragement
It was really magnificent

ICU
Spent the night in Intensive Care
Learned a few things while I was there
A package of pepper is great for your egg
In your coffee may make you gag
I did not have a heart attack as I had feared
Something else caused the pain it appeared
I go back Monday for more tests
Will let you know what comes next

More About ICU
A dull pain in my chest
Got me to Emergency real fast
A few questions about my past put me in Intensive Care for more tests
Four baby aspirin  and a nitro under my tongue
I could have gone home with whomever I was brung
But no, not yet, there was the IV in my right
A BP cuff on my left
Oxygen tubes up my nose
The bedpan was no longer a matter of choice
The BP cuff was an automated thing
Pinched my arm and made it sting
Another nurse came and took a blood sample
Reminding me that I am diabetic example
Now I can surely squeeze in a nap
A lady came in with a computer next to her lap
She had a few questions about my family tree
About every disease known to me
Did any of my family have a mental problem
I actually thought of a few of them
We are about through she said with a yawn
How much schooling have you done
Now there is a question I KNEW the answer to
I have a Bachelor's and Masters Degree, yahoo
I'll just put down 12 years OK
I think we are done for today
In the morning when I got the all clear to go
One piece of my clothing was gone and so
I just went home commando

Pills
While walking barefoot in my kitchen today
I felt a pill stuck to my foot
I am sure it won't lower blood pressure that way
That's not the way it is supposed to be took

  Grocery Shopping
While shopping at the local mart
They refused to accept my CVS card
The color and the size are just the same
What the heck if it is not the right name
The cashier was alert to that kind of mistake
So I did not get the discount break

My Future
My heart operation in 2002
Has worked so well I cannot believe it is true
No shortness of breath, no chest pain
Now all I need is a transplanted brain
One with photographic memory
Instant name recognition of all my family
No short term memory loss of the recent past
Corrects me when I mix up the facts

  Early in the Morning
To  clear the cobwebs from my brain
I take a walk if there is no rain
I pinch the petunias on the patio
Go back to my TV or radio
Ready for another new day
Whatever happens to come my way

My Addiction
I seem to have developed an addiction
It may become an affliction
It is not inherited nor contagious
Not as painful as arthritis
I love to make my sentences rhyme
So I write two lines at a time
It is fun to see my thoughts go down in print
Though they may not say exactly what I meant
I like to see on paper what I am thinking about
Then see my printer spit it back out
You may have guessed what my problem is
I call it Authoritis

Teachers
That little girl sitting there
May be the nurse in charge of your health care
That little boy you are teaching to write
May write the prescription that will help save your life
You were my teacher they will say
And bring back memories that will never fade away

King and Queen
We were selected to be the Valentine King and Queen
All we have to do is show up at the dinner scene
Maybe it's because we can still laugh
After being married 67 years and a half
Whatever the reason we are very flattered
It is the thought that matters
Adron was pleased when he figured out
The King and Queen will be served first, no doubt

Morning Paper
I skip the headlines concerning politics
Go right to the inside and check the obits
All the names that are written there are about my age
I quickly turn to the weather page
If there is snow in the forecast
I cancel all appointment until it is past

Day is Done
Day is done and shadows fall
I have very little energy left at all
I look at the clock and start to yawn
The evening news has not yet been on
I do my eye drops and my pills
Blue Cross and Medicare will pay the bills
I put Vicks up both sides of my nose
I learned that from my dad I suppose
I set my teeth in a jar to soak
That may sound funny but it is no joke
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take

Burdens
Even the most trivial task can become an impossible mission
When you have developed very low vision
Sooner or later everyone has their burden to bear
I am glad I learned the keyboard when I was young
Makes sending e-mails easy and fun
Everyone should have a hobby to share

New Way of Life
Assisted Living facilities are cropping up across every county
Since life expectancy is now approaching ninety
Trained caregivers provide daily activities each day
Handle every situation come what may
Residents soon feel like sister and brother
Show heartfelt sympathy for each other
Assisted living is well designed
To help the aging and give families peace of mind

Expiration Date
Since no one has an expiration mark at birth
No one knows how long we'll be on this earth
Seems to be a natural thing
To want to keep right on living
The golden years are often filled with stress
Everyone pitches in and does their best

To Each His Own
We are back on a new WebTV
A lot has happened since you have heard from me
Adron has had some mini strokes
You may have heard from some of our folks
He's working hard with therapy
With lots of help from friends and me
We now have our own heating pads and ice packs
Eye drops and pain pills and favorite snacks
Not that anyone could care
It's still the same bed we share

Damage Control
We have our own personal damage control
It is whichever son or daughter-in-law is on patrol
When we have trouble with some of our bills
Or there is a mix-up in our pills
When the lawn mower refuses to start
Or the icemaker falls apart
We have a back-up crew
That is always there to see us through

The Golden Years
I took a poll of my entire family
We both agreed with each other entirely
The Golden Years is about what they're cracked up to be
Your voice cracks and so does your knee
Also your back and your sacroiliac
Your mind is hard to keep on track
What is fiction and what is fact
When you get right down to it the latter
It will probably get worse before it gets any better
Nerves may crack and hands might shake
But we're together and life is just great

88
Last week I became 88
I feel fine but I would not say great
I can only read the headlines in the paper
I just pretend the rest doesn't matter
Martha and I go to the lake in her jeep
The trails are shady and not very steep
She is arthritic and I am over the hill
Joggers pass like we are standing still
I am looking forward to the summer weather
Just can't wait for Laura's new DAUGHTER

My Swing
We went looking for a stone for our cemetery lot
I saw this swing and that's what I got
It is made for two or three
It is not so much fun when there is just me
Ethel my neighbor comes once in awhile
Through all the pain she still chats and smiles
Adron can always find something he has to do
Like checks for the mail and pay bills that are due
It is nice to swing when I am tired
In my swing under the oak tree in the back yard
If you should have some time to spare
Come swing with me I'll be there
In my swing in the backyard
Under the old oak tree

Love of Life
If I could live to be one hundred
How many times has that been said
More and more seniors are reaching that century mark
With modern medicine and a lot of luck
Bob Nelson, a well known stand-up comedian,
Has some funny lines in his routine
When he threatens to swallow a pesky duck alive
The duck says sadly he doesn't want to die
When Bob asks him, "Why?"
He says because he loves him very, very, very, very much
That's my reason I'm not in a rush.

66th
We just had our Sixty-sixth Anniversary
All those years sure went by in a hurry
I would gladly do it all over again
At least for nine days out of ten

Keeping On Keeping On
I was late getting started in computer technology
I was 84 when the bug bit me
Just when I was getting to know how to send an email
My central vision began to fail
The only way I can keep up with what I enjoy so much
Is to lean on my granddaughter and keep her in touch

Thanks Laura

Tears
My doctor recommended an eye wash called Tears for me
I have an unlimited supply for free
Sunday when I saw a healthy grandson who had been sick before
Sunday when the choir made my heart soar
The list goes on and on
As the days have come and gone

Texas Mall
When something unusual happens to me
I go right to my Web TV

I found a new friend a a Texas mall
How we met was strange as I recall

We were trying to figure out size and price
Got to talking about our eyes

As we talked we discovered right away
We even had the same first name

We both have daughters
Who kept an eye on their handicapped mothers

I am back in Indiana 
She went home to Minnesota

The Main Thing
I'm about to have another anniversary
It's been three years since my second open heart surgery
It helps, I've found, you both live so long together
If you really still like each other
Another important piece of advice I once heard about living
Keep the main thing the main thing. 
That's the main thing

Life
Life is just one thing after another and another and another
Always wondering what is around the corner
But there is really no need to fret and stew
We are all just tourists passing through

Issues
Yesterday's problems seem almost trivial
Compared to the daily events that are so horrible
We don't call them problems any more
They are referred to as issues on our front door
Suicide bombers, child abusers, and terrorists are out of control
Cancer and Alzheimer's take a larger and larger toll
We almost laugh at the price of a gallon of gas
Vacation trips are a thing of the past

Seasons
Summers and winters come and go
First we're too hot and then too cold
Old age has so many annoyances
But not too many alternative choices
Even the bad years were pretty good after all
We are actually looking forward to fall

Life
I talk to myself every day
And I have a lot to say
About life and happiness beyond compare
All things considered, we've had more than our share
We are moderately healthy
And very modestly wealthy
Because we've been some what thrifty
Have our pensions and social security

Low Vision
New term for macular degeneration
Is now called low vision
There is honestly a few advantages to that condition
I can't see wrinkles or bags under my eyes
Or any of the many aging signs
Like the mole on my chin and sagging jaw lines
Putting on makeup is a guessing game I play
Can't see dust or cobwebs up there
If I can't see them why should I care

Assisted Living
Assisted Living sounds so nice
 Then I realized that's what we've been doing most of our lives
I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine
 Then we will get along just fine
 That's called cooperation for better or for worse
 Sometimes one of us will have to play nurse
That's called devotion through thick an thin
We'll work together in order to win
That's called determination - then when all is done and said
We'd like to stay right here in The Wood Shed
That's called satisfaction

Senior Syndrome
We are now into what I call the senior syndrome
We get ready to go and then decide to stay at home
We've developed a powerful pattern of negligence
 Attending to only the things that take precedence
With winter now almost upon us
 You may not see much of us until the summer solstice
We'll probably make it to church I'm sure
Our God and his Word is our hope for the future

Degeneration
If  someone should ask you how I am
You might just tell them I'm in a jam
Had an MRI and  an X-ray
Degeneration is the operable word they say
The hip man doesn't do backs or knees
I have pain in all of these
I'm already taking treatment for my eyes
They seem to be better, I now realize
I have some pills for the pain
If I take a whole one I have no brain
By spring I may see all the specialists on my list
Keep on walking when the weather's fit
I might just add with cheek in tongue
How could this happen to one so young

Off Her Rocker
Grandma is up at sunrise
To get her exercise
She and her neighbor hit the hiking trail
Rain or shine they never fail
Back home to her computer to check her e-mail
And maybe write a poem or two
To send to her friends old and new
Grandma's off her rocker
For better or for worse
Once a week she goes shopping at the mall,
If she can find her glasses and her purse.

When I Could See
I'd rather read than clean the kitchen
So many books of fact and fiction
I'd rather read and relax
Especially when the floors need wax

Macular Degeneration
My world is a sea of faceless people now
I can't really tell a smile from a frown
My hearing I fear is failing  too
But voices are still my strongest clue
Everyone is wearing  neutral colors
Directions and signs are now only blurs
I can no longer see to read
 My Bose radio fills that need
Sending e-mails takes me forever
I'll not give that up never, never

My Blood Test
I have a regular three month appointment Friday
Which means a trip to the lab on Monday
We were almost there when Adron shrieked
Guess what we forgot - that sheet
Intelligent like I said "What sheet are you talking about?"
There was nothing to do but to reverse our route
We went again on Tuesday morning
This time there was no forgetting
We had a leisurely breakfast at Denny's
Did some shopping at J.C. Penney's

Office Call
Went to the doctor and the doctor states
"Your blood pressure is good but your socks are not mates."
I told him I had another pair like them at home in a drawer
Just can't tell colors any more.
So now I get a second opinion just to insure
I have a perfect match that's for sure.

Getting Old
My legs will hold me on my feet
While I start looking for a seat
I can walk all around the mall
That doesn't seem to tire me at all

But I can't squat

I can move the furniture all around
Crawl in the closet for lost and found
Climb on a stool if it's very low
Put on my coat when it's time to go.

But I can't squat

I can baby sit and I love it
All the toys are in a basket
I can change a dirty diaper
Even if the baby's a little hyper.

But I can't squat

Which One
Which car we drive will usually depend
On which one our handicapped parking ticket is in

Birthdays
How did I ever get so old
Why can't life just be put on hold
How many words have I said
How many tears have I shed
How many steps have I taken
How many mornings did I awaken
How many potatoes have I peeled
How many fingers cut and healed
How many sermons have I heard preached
Waiting for the end to be reached
Laughter has always been important to me
More so since I'm not as able to see
Now that I have been so lately smitten
How many poems have I written

Hair
Some women as they get older
Have hair of silver or salt and pepper
Mine faded and lost its shine
Not the color that used to be mine
So I apply Fanciful --plush brown
It cheers me up when I'm let down

Older men face serious probabilities
Baldness is a distinct possibility
Receding hairlines can often be fixed
With just a subtle comb-over trick
How we look depends a lot
On what we do with the hair we've got

Getting It All Together
Now that we are both as old as dirt
We decided to figure our total worth
We piled papers and records out in piles
Looked through deposit boxes and files
Hoped maybe we 'd find the deed to a yacht
But instead we found the title to a burial plot
We guessed at the value of the house and shed
We own a new white car and an old one that's red
We're not filthy rich for sure
But we've been happy and learned how to endure

Maturity
I think we're in our second childhood
We wanted to avoid that if we could
We lose things --take frequent naps
Each new day brings new mishaps
There is one thing that adds to our security
At least our insurance has reached maturity

Ole Father Time
Ole Father Time he's come to our house to stay
I'm still able to wash the cups and saucers and brush the crumbs away
I can shoo the chickens off the porch and dust the hearth and sweep
Turn up the furnace, make the toast and earn my board and keep
All the children now are gone so when the supper things are done
We just set around the TV and have the mostest fun
A' listenin' to the tales of whatever it's about
And Ole Father Time will get you too EVEN IF YOU WATCH OUT
(Apology to J.W. Riley)

Dining in the Dark
Why are restaurants so dimly lit?
It's hard to find a place to sit
Even when the hostess leads the way
Think I might order a nice filet
But the menu is to me unreadable
So I just take the daily special
I'm in the nicest steak house in town
I have the bill of fare upside down
It's frustrating to say the least
Think I'll try KFC for my next feast

Changing Roles
More than fifty years ago
Things were different you know
I pushed my little ones in a stroller
Now I lean on them as I get older
Instead of keeping an eye on them
They help me when they see a problem
They warn me when they sense a danger
Since my sight is growing waner
They point out things I do not see
I'm always spilling things on me
I think about the spills at our table
When they were little and not so able
Now they have children and grandchildren of their own
But I feel sure I'll never be alone

OH NO!
If you ever feel neglected and blue
Try filling one eye with super glue
I'm just kidding of course
Can't think of anything much worse
Last week by accident that actually happened to me
Dr. Jones (Grandson of one of my friends)
  thinks I'll be healed and able to see
In another week or maybe two
Let this be a warning to all of you

Yard Sales
Every morning I go for a stroll
Keeping fit is my main goal
There's never a soul that I ever see
Unless there's a Yard Sale in the vicinity
A rabbit often crosses my trail
A frisky squirrel will flip its tail
But not if there is a Yard Sale
I hope its never my rotten luck
To get run over by a pick-up truck
While on its way to a Yard Sale
I'd really hate to get hit
While doing my best to stay fit

Markers
There is a new kind of molecular cardiology
I read about this new technology
Just a drop of blood will hold the answer
To your chances for heart disease and cancer
Imaging devices have increased life expectancy
Today a baby in it's infancy
Has a good chance of living to their nineties
That's very good news for us in our eighties

Winter
Indiana weather is hard for folks like me
I'm tired staying home, as tired as I can be
Winter wonderland means "holed up in my home".
I need to get outside and maybe simply roam.
Can't go a'calling
Because I have a fear of falling
I'm tired of popcorn and sitting by the fire
Putting on boots and all that wool attire
Tired of seeing TV and playing solitaire
Can't wait to feel that spring is finally in the air
Grandpa's longing to hit a golf ball
And I 'm homesick for the mall.

Decisions
We went out to dinner with another couple
The hostess met us on the double
Did we prefer the smoking or non-smoking section?
Booth or table was our next question
We got seated and ready to order
Would we like lemon in our water?
Would we like their buffet or prefer a menu?
Will this be on one bill or two?
Do you want our already sweetened tea?
Would we like cream in our coffee?
We enjoyed the dinner and went to pay
This was senior discount day
They invited us to come again
Would we fill out a card for them?
There are a few rewards for being older
We get treated like a special elder

Colors
I think I'm young at 84
I just can't tell colors any more
Colored socks and colored shoes
I mix and match them as I choose
Emily says that's very trendy
So I'm NOT senile--I'm user friendly.